I've Already Lost You
by Hasy Mango
Summary: Based on a tumblr prompt: Imagine someone from your OTP saying, "I don't want to lose you... but I think I already have."


**Disclaimer: I do not own Sense8.  
**

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Kala adjusted her silk-covered pillows as she watched her companion ease into the bed. The twin sized mattress, which basically counted as a futon, creaked under his heavy, deliberate movements. Kala glanced over at him, ready to recount her adventurous day of impressing a powerful client, experiencing the wonderful mixture of sweets and spices in her father's Mutter Paneer, and kowtowing in front of Ganesha, but drew back.

She could see his eyes were plastered to the off-white ceiling, hatred coursing through them while his fists bunched up a portion of bed sheets- Kala wasn't sure if they were golden or satin. She supposed it didn't matter much.

Wolfgang had changed. Of course, considering Kala had only met him weeks prior, some could argue that was an unsubstantiated assumption. However, their connection went beyond a matter of controlled time, it went beyond the human understanding of spatial construct, and it went beyond any normal human connection.

She could see the mirth in his eyes while teasing her, the slight glint whenever he succeeded in reddening her cheeks, and the soft glimmer when she would throw her head back in laughter. She could see the absolute wonderment in his eyes as they serenaded each other without any reason or logic.

And she could see the darkened looks he would spontaneously give to the wall, or an innocent pedestrian while strolling in the markets of Mumbai, or even her, until he would realize his surroundings and flash her a sly grin.

Kala knew what was on his mind. She had such an amazing, magical understanding of Wolfgang, so of course she knew he wasn't "alright." After witnessing Wolfgang murder his uncle in blatantly cold blood, she was desperate to reopen their channel and break through the block he had placed to prevent Kala from invading his mind and heart. Of course, she managed to shatter whatever barrier stood between them, pleaded to let her and the other sensates in, and constantly reminded him that he was most certainly not a monster, because a monster could not be loved.

"Wolfgang, is something on your mind?"

"Hm? Ah, no, just wondering when you will stop fiddling with the bedding and join me. That is, if you do still have an interest in the particular activities we've engaged in. I can't imagine that you would turn it down, though."

Kala forced a smile on her face and slipped into bed beside her lover, gently laying beside him with an inch of space separating them.

Wolfgang frowned. "What are you worried about, Häschen?" Of course, Wolfgang couldn't help but sense the unease pouring out of Kala, feelings that she couldn't even try to contain.

Kala slowly sat up on their tiny bed, brushing her hand away from Wolfgang's on the way.

"Wolfgang," she started, apprehension evident in her tone. Wolfgang narrowed his eyes. He understood Kala well enough to know what the slight changes and hitches in her voice meant, and hesitation to speak her mind was rare. But it scared him the most.

"Have you noticed that, perhaps, things have changed?"

Wolfgang swallowed and looked at Kala. She could see sweat beginning to form at the nape of her neck, her raven waves slightly curling out from the humidity, while he suppressed a shiver that resulted from the frigid rain that would not stop.

"If, by things, you mean our bedtime activities, I'm sure you're not complaining."

Kala didn't return his sexual quip with a smile. She didn't even conjure up enough energy to shoot up a playful glare. Instead, with heavy eyes, she replied, "I am talking about us. About you."

Wolfgang shook his head in disbelief. He would not let her go down that particular path.

"Kala, you are the one who said you accepted me. You are the one who said I am not a-"

"And you are not! Wolfgang, you are the man I feel so strongly for, that even when everything in my life changes for the worse,  
I can believe in you and immediately feel assured. You are my love, you are everything."

Tears began forming in Kala's eyes, but Wolfgang could not let himself get swayed.

"Then why are you talking about change?" Wolfgang felt his voice steadily increasing in volume, but he could not constrain it. "You said you accepted my past, accepted the sins I have committed!"

Kala's voice quivered, but she managed to hold her own. "Of course I have accepted your past, but I am not happy when you allow your past to dictate your future! Will you always be so caught up on revenge?"

Tensions flared as Wolfgang nearly jumped out of the bed. He could feel Kala's warmth escape as the words hurled themselves out of his mouth.

"As long as I am alive, revenge will be my life."

By this point, Kala had abandoned any hope of restricting her emotions. She could feel the mattress-someone's mattress- become damp against her thighs, and yet felt a burning sensation from her temple to her toes. She wasn't sure whose sensation it was, but it was irrelevant.

Wolfgang's eyes widened as he realized what he had said, what he had been thinking in the deep recesses of his mind. Unable to form any words, he desperately called out to Kala through their almost telepathic connection and begged, "Please. I do not want to lose you. Not you too."

Kala sluggishly blinked away any remaining tears and peered straight into Wolfgang's cerulean eyes, only to see her own brown eyes stare back.

"I'm afraid to lose you..." she communicated to Wolfgang as their connection began to fade away. Wolfgang had never experienced such a slow and agonizing disruption of their contact, and by the time he heard her last words, she was no where in sight.

"...But I think I already have."

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 **TN: Thank you for reading! This is my first fanfic in a loooong time, so I thought why not open it up with a sad one-shot about my OTP? Please tell me if this story even makes any sense at all, I tried the "show don't tell" technique, but I'm not quite sure I pulled it off well... Reviews are greatly appreciated (even bad reviews, I love honest and brutal criticism).**


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